My Battle With Shadows: A Journey Toward Mental Wholeness
At the tender age of nine, my world was shattered by the cruel touch of sexual abuse, leaving behind a shadow that followed me long into my adolescence. Growing up in a religious home, the struggle to reconcile my burgeoning sexuality with my faith seeded a battle that raged within me. It bore the heavy armor of anxiety, the unpredictable strikes of OCD, and the haunting specters of PTSD.
These internal adversaries often tormented me with images so distressing that they stained my perception of self. I questioned am I truly the warm, caring soul I believed myself to be, or was I a prisoner to these intrusive thoughts? They tempted me towards the abyss of surrender, to contemplate ending my own life to escape the ceaseless war in my mind.
Like a fortress built from necessity, my attire became my armor, shielding my femininity and casting a mirage of strength. This armor, though protective, also distanced me from the world, hiding the vibrant person I truly was. Stepping into crowds, I put on a ‘game face’, a shield of stern expression, ready for battle, ready to repel any who might dare to unravel the intricate web of my tormented self.
With each flashback, a piece of my innocence seemed to fall away; with each unwelcome thought, a murmur of despair whispered through my heart. Yet, there was a…
